Stags Vs Spireshites

24/8/02

An early start for the BVC, as some high ranking copper thought it would be amusing to deprive the fans of alcohol by moving the match to an 11am kick off. F*ckin @rse.

Some of the more alcoholic members of the BVC (nearly all of them) went down town at ridiculous early hours, just so that their livers would be well and truly pickled upon entering Field Mill.

After staggering home on the Friday night, I was unsure about getting up for the match.

In hindsight, I wouldnt have missed much.

Walking through town to the restaurant de Mcdonalds, and already the nerves are setting in. Well anyones would be, with two f*ckin police horses breathing down your neck, with two pigs on them. It was a f*ckin farmyard gang bang.

When we actually get to Mcdonalds, they tell me that they are only serving breakfast, and a double cheeseburger and a McRib couldnt be served at 9:30 in the morning. I complained about it not being The f*ckin Ritz, and left hungry.

Walk round looking for an open pub, without success. Got some very dodgy looks from some passing pigs upon rattling the door of the Queens Head, but with no one in site, the ground was the only option.

The lack of pub symptoms severely kicking in for Paolo, the convoy of sheep went by with a pig escort. Another farmyard gang bang looked on the cards.

But after some mild abuse from the BVC members present to the sheep in the coach windows (it was pretty mild, due to lack of alcohol), us and them made our way up to the ground.

We pass Haslam's money grabbers, trying desperately to tempt us with programs. We finally get into the ground, only to see that as a practical joke, someone had shoved some sheep into the Quarry Lane end. Although upon closer inspection, they turned out to be Cheatersfield fans.

Inflatable sheep flew about in the Lower Tier, and their fans were crying for their Aunts and Uncles.

More BVC turned up at the ground, the hopes were high, there was a strange sense of confidence amongst the Stags fans.

And then the match kicked off.

Not much happened in the first half, the atmosphere was sh!t. Larkin performs an oscar winning dive just outside of their box, only for Sellars to put the free kick over the bar.

Then, Lever pulls one of their players down about 25 yards out. I saw something wooly stepping up to take it, and was about to ring the RSPCA when someone informed me it was one of their players. He baaaaa'd it low and hard, and it goes into the f*ckin bottom corner. 1-0 to them. Half time whistle blows, and amazingly some of our fans didn't clap the players as they went off. What will the f*ckin do-gooders have to say about that?!

Second half starts and I was obviously feeling the effects of the night before, as I thought Dave Rushbury was Bill Dearden, and yelled at him to bring Boulding on.

Stuart Watkiss had obviously been on the phone to Dearden the night before, getting some sh!t tips from the tactical genius himself.

Then, a second goal went in for them, but I didn't see how it went in. Some f*ckin match report this is!

The Spireites started singing "Same old Mansfield, always cheating" which was probably the most amusing event of the day.

The full time whistle blows, and the Spireites celebrate. Yes, a huge congregation of sheep forms on the edge of the pitch.

As I leave the ground, a particularly fat b@stard caught my eye. After giving him some "sign language", he decided to show me his huge gut.

After scarring my young maturing mind for life, we left the ground, only to be diverted by the pigs down towards the Early Doors. It was great, we thought. The pigs actually diverting us in the direction of the pub! The joy soon wore off when we realised the bastard wasn't open.

So thats it then. Another loss to the wrong side of the M1, and a Bank Holiday trip to sunny Stockport to look forward to.

But Notts County and Luton both lose, which is always something to celebrate.

Crew Overview

Ben: Kept getting Dave Rushbury confused with Bill Dearden
Paolo: Crapped his pants when any Spireite came into view.
Cheggers: Went down town at 4am or something. Just to get into a pub. Gave him the number for alcoholics anonymous.
York Dave: V.A.C leader, tried to get the songs started.
Pete: Tried to get on every photo
Rob: Didnt see much of him during the match. I'm sure he was there though...
Piggy: Was unsure of his former lover Paolo, after their love affair ended at Lincoln last season.
Snowy: Tried nicking Cheggers' seat, but was removed.
Hibbert: Didn't actually go to the match, due to financial reasons. Thought i'd put him on here anyway though, just to p!ss him off.
Dan:BVC junior was amazed with his Mcdonalds happy meal toy after the match.
Townsend: Got removed at half time by a tw@t of a steward.