I can't be arsed to write a really good match report, so this'll have to do. This was probably the most boring game I have ever witnessed, so the report will probably be just as shite.

Only the thought of the pub could get me out of bed on the saturday morning. On my way downstairs to get some grub I fell down the fuckers. I could tell it was going to be one of those days.

I limped to the bus stop only to see the bus pulling out. I wasnt really in a fit state to chase the bastard, so my middle finger was called into action. You would have thought the inconsiderate bastard of a driver could see what a state I was in, and could have reversed into oncoming traffic to pick me up.

I finally got to the QH at about 11:30 to find Townsend and a few others already in there. Cheggers got his usual 10 pints in, and Paolo got his wine ready. Townsend is busy getting thrashed at pool by a 5 year old. The totty in the QH is fucking top notch, in fact Paolo was visibly getting aroused by one 85 year old.

Another thing, why is the shitter next to the games room always locked? There's fuck all to worry about, I don't think George Michaels lives in Mansfield, let alone go into the QH and drink in the games room. To get to the open shitter you have to walk through two different bar sections. Townsend found this out when he went. The QH emptied pretty quickly after he "dropped his load", the fucking smell was awful. His "log" will be a danger to shipping once it finds its way to the North Sea.

Decided to go to the ED, the smell was awful. Townsend told us he worked for a classy posh restaurant, and was at work at 3pm (bastards, I think they did it on purpose) so he went to the luxurious restaurant to drop his bag off. We then found out that this "restaurant" was actually the A shitty unnamed fast food restaurant. After forcing his way out through the usual queues of celebrities that frequent this world famous shitehole, we made our way up to the ED.

At 2:45 we made our way up to Field Mill. Weasel was about to be frisked by a male steward, and explained to him that he would be aroused by him frisking him, so he would have to get the "blonde bit of totty over there" to do it. The steward, fearing for his sexuality handed the job of frisking Weasel over to the blonde tart. Weasel seemed happy for the rest of the day.
Daft cunts.

The match was shite, not worth commenting on.

In fact fuck all else happened worth commenting on, so I wont. I told you this report would be shite.