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The Boston Van Crew were again forced to travel in the famous Vauxhall Astra for the game in Oldham (India) The mystery disappearance of Dan, meant that it was a shock call up for our sailor of the crew, Pete Boat. He was delighted to have been given a VAC call up by Yorkshire Dave. The trip in the Astra meant that Pete could abandon his hopes of sailing across the world to the Indian Capital. Pete joined Yorkshire Dave, Paolo, Cheggers and Ben, for the trip in the Astra.
Paolo and Cheggers set out for an early start in the hope of reaching a ……pub, in time for the Leeds and Man Utd clash. Cheggers was still eating his breakfast as we walked down to Kwik Save to meet Ben and Dave. The shocking scenes showed Cheggers with a carton of orange in his hand, and not an alcoholic drink!! They met Ben and Yorkshire Dave at the Capital of Warsop, Kwik Save corner, at 10am ready for an attempt to pick up Pete in Shirebrook. We ensured that all windows and doors were sealed as we set out to war torn Shirebrook, where just about anything can happen. The sailor, Pete, was sat waiting patiently for the speeding Astra to pull up. We immediately expected to see his boat on the side of the road, but he had decided to leave it at home instead of forcing it into a 140 mile round journey on the rear of an Astra.
The Crew were now set for the trip to foreign land, a land of the unknown. The lads ensured that their passports were up to date, as they headed for the customs checkpoint, somewhere between Huddersfield and Oldham. The first debate of the day began, with an argument about which route would be the best. Paolo suggested coming off the motorway at Sheffield and cutting up to Huddersfield, whilst Yorkshire Dave suggested staying on the motorway would be the better option. The 2 travel co-ordinators put their cases forward to the rest of the Crew, in an attempt to win votes. The boat said that waterways were his expert field, so he didn’t have a clue about roads, leaving him to abstain his vote. The Crew eventually agreed to choose Paolo’s route on the journey to Oldham and come back on the motorway, as Yorkshire Dave suggested. The Astra immediately dropped speed as we came off the motorway onto normal roads. The complaints started to roll in as the liver of Cheggers started to cry out for Alcohol. The Crew were reassured that the route was going to be fine and that alcohol would be in the liver before 12noon. The cries of “Are we there yet” came from Pete, as soon as we came off the Motorway. We told him that if he could get there quicker in a boat, then it must be a super-fast boat that he owns.
Pete was uncontrollable when we passed a lake with several boats at the side. He almost jumped through the car window as he attempted to reach the lake. The quick reaction of Ben and Cheggers prevented us losing our sailor. Pete almost forgot about boats when the Astra went over a few sets of road humps. The first set turned him on so much, that he said, “I liked that” and was excited as the Astra leaped into the air as it drove over more of the humps.
The Crew saw it’s first sighting of India as we approached the border (Huddersfield) The crew were unable to find a white person as we drove through the outskirts of Huddersfield. Pete asked whether the baker’s shop was nearby, only to be told that they were Indians just wearing their everyday clothes. We thought that it was a local conference for the local baker’s but we were left disappointed by the news that they were only the local Indians walking down the street. When Dave asked if we were on the correct road, he was told to follow the Indians all the way to Oldham. He knew that if we saw a white person then we would have been on the wrong road. We headed towards Oldham on the A62, only to see the most amazing sight. There were Spireites walking towards Oldham, yes, there were sheep wandering along the roads, as if they owned the place. It was a shock as we noticed that they could roam to their content, as there was no fencing preventing them from getting onto the road. The Astra whizzed along, narrowly missing a large group of ramblers heading towards the fields for a day of fun, with the sheep. Dave almost killed himself, as he was disappointed at not running them over. The dead sheep at the side of the roads proved that they do wander in front of cars at times. If that wasn’t the solution then maybe there had been a riot of some kind with the Stags coming out of it in the best condition. The kick off of the Man United match came closer and closer, and the chants of “Leeds, Leeds” came from the VAC, with Paolo chanting “Manchester, Manchester” in retaliation to the VAC Leeds followers. The question was whether the excitement was for the Mansfield game or the Leeds V Man United match. The cry for alcohol got loader as we approached the outskirts of Oldham. The decision was eventually made that we would stop off at the next pub, as we knew that the match was only 9 minutes away. We stopped at The Plough, which to Paolo’s relief had some Man United fans gathered inside the pub. The pub made its first fortune of the day, with Cheggers supping at the speed of light. The question was raised as to whether he would be sober enough to see the match. You could see the landlord’s face light up when he saw Cheggers walk through the door. I bet he had got his next holiday planned with the profits that he was about to make.
As Pete walked through the door, he almost fell over Hibbert's mother. She was in the pub in the form of a dog. The crew assembled in the corner so that the big screen was visible, but Cheggers sat on the pool table so that he could be as close to the bar as he could possibly be. The first half bought no major incident and the VAC headed to the local chip shop. The 5-minute walk seemed like a 5-hour walk, as no chip shop could be spotted. The chip shop was then located in an area that resembled Albania, probably much cleaner than the Oldham suburb. The shop was very dirty and I would have rather ate from the floor. I did not have anything myself but Ben, Dave and Pete all decided to buy some chips. Cheggers looked in amazement as they ordered the food. Paolo and Cheggers decided to head straight back to the pub, to enable them to see the start of the second half. This left Yorkshire Dave to pull the woman in the chip shop. The pub immediately cashed in again as we got the drinks in for the second half action. The goal by Harry Kewell, left Cheggers in excitement as he jumped around like he had won the lottery. The game ended and the Crew assembled outside, with Paolo and Ben clashing in the nearby car parks. The Baby of the group was thrown into the car by Cheggers as Paolo was laid out in the car park after a killer blow…. lol, in your dreams Ben!!
The Crew headed towards Boundary Park in hope of 3 points. They found the ground and were ripped off, just to park in the club car park. The Astra flew around the car park in search of the best parking space. Dave put the car in pole position, ready for a quick exit. Cheggers dragged Paolo and Pete to the nearby pub, just 40 minutes before kick-off. The alcohol had obviously worn off in the matter of 10 minutes. The two pop boys, Yorkshire Dave and Ben, decided to miss the pub trip and went into the ground. We found the pub just in time to grab a quick drink before heading for India Park. The shock of the day was in store as Cheggers refused the chance to have a final drink in the pub. As Pete was about to get another quick drink in, Cheggers said that he had no money left and that he would not bother. The truth could be that he is not an alcoholic after all. The solution could have been the “pop” disease, which was hitting the VAC; this was already taking its toll on Ben and Dave.
We headed for the away end at Boundary Park and we hadn’t seen one Asian anywhere in Oldham. Cheggers was told that he had to pay £15 to get in, but Pete, the older one, managed to read out a fake date of birth to get in for a concession. I’m not personally sure whether he had read out the correct date but it amazingly worked.
We got into the ground where we saw the other BVC members, Leon, Coop and Karina. Paolo and Cheggers went to the front of the stand to ensure that they got value for their money after being ripped off yet again, just to watch a 90-minute football match. The game was unwatchable as we conceded goal after goal, leaving us to wonder what we had done to deserve a 6-1 hammering. The VAC waited until the final whistle before leaving the ground, and was met by 4 police horses. The escort was obviously in place to ensure that the VAC members got back to the Astra in one piece, as Paolo needed to quickly get to work before 7pm. The Astra showed us its full potential as Dave squeezed it through the tiniest gap in Oldham, and joined the road, ready for the trip back to Mansfield. The Oldham fans looked like they had just got hammered themselves, there was no joy at all. One fan explained that they were all sad because Cheggers was going home without returning to there pubs. They had just missed out on hundreds of pounds of beer money. The Vauxhall Astra was on a mission as we approached the motorway in the quickest ever recorded time, showing us that it is the most amazing car in Mansfield. The speed was even too much for Pete to take in, as he admitted his boat would have even been left miles behind. The Astra was setting new records all of the time, with it hitting the 100mph barrier on several occasions. Dave was driving like he owned the motorway network. The Astra was driving at least 90mph all of the way home, and the speed only dropped when the police cars were spotted watching the motorists.
Ben had has mad session, playing in the back of the Astra, The 16 year old was acting like a 3 year old who was having a mad hour before they went to bed!! The weird behaviour caught the attention of the traffic police but the baby on board stickers gave them the answer to all of the fuss. The Astra was in form as we reached Sheffield, still 45 minutes before Paolo was to start work. The Astra only seemed to have the accelerator; the brakes were nowhere to be seen. The amount of speeding tickets were mounting up towards the amount of goals that we have conceded all season. The shock of 28 speeding tickets would surely bankrupt Yorkshire Dave!! We came towards Junction 29 of the M1, and Paolo managed to pull a sexy lass who was driving a blue car. The sexy bitch immediately saw Paolo’s sexy body and waved at him in a flirty way. The arguments in the VAC started as Cheggers said that she was looking at him, and Ben said that he had pulled. The boat said that he was already spoken for in the form of a local gypsy!! The trueness was that it was Paolo on the day, who had the looks and managed to pull. We lost her as we came off the motorway, but it was Paolo’s lucky day, and silence could be heard as the rest of the Crew were left gutted at the rejection!!
The baby’s mad session continued as Ben thought that it would be funny to touch Paolo’s neck and keep flicking his ear. This was the most immature behaviour ever witnessed in the VAC. This suddenly set Pete off, as he was encouraged by the behaviour of the VAC baby!! Cheggers asked Dave to bring a playpen for Ben in future as they were starting to piss the rest of the VAC off. We arrived in Mansfield and Paolo was 10 minutes early for work, though originally he was expecting to be 30 minutes late!! The Astra had amazed everyone by getting from Oldham to Mansfield in only 1 hour. I am not the unlucky postman that has got to deliver all of those speeding tickets though!! The Astra returned back to drop the rest of the Crew off at their homes, whilst Paolo worked well into the night!! This shows the dedication of Paolo, who was the last VAC member in bed, 2.00am!!
It was the end of another excellent VAC day out, the result was not the one we had hoped for but the day was excellent. The members of the VAC send there thanks to Yorkshire Dave for ensuring that we got to Oldham in one piece, for dropping Paolo off at work 10 minutes early!! Thanks Dave, and for making it another successful day for us all. We aren’t paying the speeding tickets though!!